Divorce is always a split. The father moves out, sees his daughter on weekends or less often. The mother tries to get the household in order. It seems everything is settled. But suddenly the girl comes back from school and says, “Dad is bad, I don’t want to go to him.” The mother is shocked. But the reason may not be the father or the mother. The reason is a toxic friend. Ten-year-old girls are very dependent on the opinions of their peers. And if the best friend is against the father, she will quickly infect your daughter with this. This is a hidden but dangerous threat. Let’s dissect it. How the toxic influence mechanism works Age ten is when a friend’s opinion becomes almost more authoritative than that of parents. The girl wants to be accepted, wants to fit in. If it’s accepted in her school circle to talk about dads with disdain, she will adjust. If the friend says, “My dad is a donkey, he abandoned us,” your daughter will start to look for “donkey” traits in her father. Even if there are none. The mechanism is simple: the girl tells her friend about her meeting with her father. The friend comments: “He doesn’t love you, he came without a gift” or “He uses you to make your mom upset.” This settles in the girl’s head as truth. She tries on someone else’s pain. She starts to be ashamed that she has a father. And she distances herself. Especially dangerous if the friend has a similar family situation (separate living). She seems to confirm: “Everyone is like this, all dads are donkeys.” The girl feels like part of a tribe only if she agrees. And agreement = hatred for the father. What phrases from friends destroy the relationship with the father A toxic friend uses a set of clichés. “He left the family — that means he abandoned you.” “He lives his own life, he doesn’t care.” “He pays alimony because he was forced to, not because he loves.” “Your mom is happier without him.” “All men are donkeys.” “Why do you go to him on weekends? He doesn’t deserve you.” “He’s no ... Read more