When we hear the word "narcissism," an image of a self-absorbed egotist who stares at himself in the mirror and demands universal adoration comes to mind. But few think about the fact that narcissistic traits can also manifest in children towards their parents. This is not about adolescent egocentrism, which fades over time. It is about a deep, chronic behavior where a child uses a parent as an object to satisfy their needs without feeling any gratitude or empathy. A mother who becomes a victim of such narcissism often does not understand what is happening: "I gave him everything, why does he treat me like this?". Let's figure out how to recognize child narcissism and what to do about it.
How does child narcissism manifest towards the mother
A child narcissist does not necessarily scream and demand. His tools are manipulation, belittlement, and coldness. He may ignore his mother if she does not give him what he wants. He may publicly mock her appearance, age, and profession. He may use her as an ATM and disappear when the money runs out. He does not rejoice in her successes, but he envies and gets angry. He does not show concern if she is sick, but he demands that she take care of him. An adult son or daughter may blame their mother for all their failures ("it's you who didn't let me become a pianist"), not taking responsibility for themselves. At the same time, they demand admiration: "Look at how successful I am (despite you)".
Where does child narcissism come from
The causes lie in upbringing. There are two main paths. The first is overprotection and admiration. A child is convinced from a young age that he is special, talented, better than everyone else. He is not set boundaries, and he is not taught to consider others' feelings. He grows up with the belief that the world should revolve around him. In this system, the mother is the service staff. The second path is coldness and rejection. The child did not receive enough love and warmth, and as a defense, he ...
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